The Gay Blade

I have been busy ! Or that's what it feels like anyway with two part-time jobs on the go - I  keep trying to find time to write stuff in here, keep trying to catch the ideas as they appear, but then something else comes up and I lose the thread and well, you know ... But hey, it's my blog and if I write it every day or once a month is really up to me - though I do get little feelings of guilt at times when I leave it too long, like a pot-plant I've neglected to water. I gave my annual guest lecture on AIDS and me a few weeks, called "Living My Death" - I do it in for a paper here at the University of Auckland called "The Sociology of Death & Dying", taught by the wonderful Dr Tracey Mcintosh. I get to weave my own life story through an academic exploration of theories of death, gay social history and AIDS - it is something I really enjoy, but also find quite tiring, and it's also very revealing in many ways - personal narratives have to be ...

The Auckland  Pride Committee (let's not mention the "Lesbian/Gay/Queer" words -  they scare the sponsors) has announced more details of the upcoming fiesta, a daytime parade along Ponsonby Road, a two week festival building on the long-standing success of the Big Gay Out, and even a closing ceremony. Just like the Olympics! Pride festivals are not new - the photo on the left is from 1972, and lists picnics, parties, food, ,usic - and workshops. They were a bit more political than we seem to be today. I am a real believer in the idea of Gay Pride, or Queer Pride or as it is now, just "Pride" if you must. Rainbow Pride just sounds slightly icky to me, it always makes me think of My Little Pony, but I'm sure we'll see enough of that as well. But Pride is important, it's the opposite of shame - it does matter that we can show the world, and especially our youth, that in fact there is nothing to be ashamed of in being queer. We have nothing to ap...

78 - 40 ! Come on ! That is fucking amazing ! (UPDATE _ I've just seen it's 80 - 40 !) Thank you Louisa - you were brilliant in both your opening and closing speeches - calm, logical, inclusive, passionate - you shone ! 78 - 40!  Shit that is impressive ! And is shows such a massive change in New Zealand society - the idea that even 10 years ago, we would be looking at this, seeing this kind of result, well people would have thought you were crazy! So thank you so much for that, and thank you to all the others who did such a wonderful job tonight. And a real thanks to Kevin Hague, you made such an eloquent, passionate speech. And thank you Dr Paul Hutchison - coming from National, standing up and making that clear, classically liberal analysis, and admitting you'd been forced to think and weigh the evidence and change your mind. Your speech was outstanding, sincere, and humble. I was really moved. National MP Jamie Lee-Ross standing up in support, saying that he...

I am  horrified that I am posting his picture here, I was hoping that wouldn't be till his funeral party, but this news, that John Banks, ex-Mayor of Auckland, the "Leader" of the ACT Party and currently the Associate Education Minister and the main prop of this current government actually believes that t he creation fable in the Bible is true . I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Given all the evil he has done to the world of queer people in this country, I tend more to tears than laughter. People should be free to have their own religious beliefs. Just as they are free to hold their own political beliefs - I have no problem with that. But if he'd come out with that statement before the last election you have to wonder if the voters of Epsom would have been quite so willing to hold their noses, do what the National Party demanded and give him their vote. I'd say not. Banks' beliefs are actually no surprise if you've paid any attention to...

Apparently the Buddha once said that if humanity had one more drive as strong as sex there would be no hope for us ever to achieve enlightenment because we'd all be too distracted. Matthew Stradling http://www.matthewstradling.com/ I guess he knew what he was talking about. I know that sometimes I can sink into some sort of erotic fog, where sex is my major preoccupation, my pleasure, my joy, my reason for being. At times I just want to chase and be chased, to hunt, to find, to feel that anticipation of a new lover's arrival. And I actually welcome that, I revel in it, I love the fact that I have great, warm, passionate, loving, tender, kinky, and most of all - fun - sex. And yes, I'm just coming out of one of those times again now. Sometimes that urge just gets so strong, and when it all comes together, well, it's fantastic. Whether it's with a man I have known and cared for over years or some random off the net I'll never hook up with again, ther...

Unless you've been living under a rock for the last week, you'll know that Labour MP Louisa Wall's Bill for re-defining marriage (let's face it, that's what it is) has been drawn from the ballot, and has a reasonable chance of succeeding. Both she and Green MP Kevin Hague had similar Bills sitting there, and it's great that one of these is going to see the light of day. None of the gay National MPs seemed to bother trying.  Let me be clear about my own position. It's not an issue that deeply excites me, but as a matter of principle, based in my committment to the concept of human rights, I think that there is no logical, moral or social reason to stop adults from legally committing themselves to each other. I believe as a principle that any adult should be able to have her or his relationship recognised. Personally I think it should go further - if you want to have your committed loving three-way relationship recognised then you should be able t...

So have you heard the news? The American journalist, celebrity (and hottie) has finally come out and said " Yeah, I'm gay - so what ?" It's not really a big surprise; as they used to say, he was dropping hairpins all over the place. He wasn't really all that "in". But he'd never stood up before and said "Yeah, I love men, and... ? " So now he's out. And that's good. I admit, I had a little snarky moment, thinking "Oh gee, you took your time! Wait till it's easy! " but that's not all that productive and coming out is something that people do at their own pace. I am always a bit conflicted on big names when they come out - couldn't they have done more, earlier? But it's up to them. So long as they haven't been active hypocrites working against us. There are  prominent gay men who work desperately to hide any suggestion that they are queer, they hate themselves so much that they will do anythin...

I got a bit of flak about my last blog from a few friends, and other people too. "Don't be a Pride hater" was the message - and I'm not. I just have a long memory. Pride events are happening across the big cities in the Northern hemisphere around this time, and they are positive things for our world. There, I said it. From Istanbul to Chicago, Manchester to Tel Aviv, there will be parades, dances, workshops, fucking, drugs, political debates, drinking, theatre, fucking, film, drugs, coming out seminars, marriage ceremonies, fucking, screaming arguments, book-launches, falling-in-love, poetry-readings, fucking, drinking, all the things that bind us together. That bloody rainbow flag will be everywhere too. Actually I don't mind the flag so much - it's useful when you're travelling to help find a bar or whatever. A rainbow is pretty I guess...in the sky. But I throw up in my mouth a little when people call us a "rainbow" community. ...

So GABA have got their wish and the Auckland Council is going to help fund a new Gay Pride parade! I guess I should be really excited, but... I can remember all the shit that went down with Hero too well, the incompetence, the embezzlement of funds that had been donated, the lies, the promises broken, the way HIV+ people were pushed to the side, and the way the last few parades turned into a succession of advertising floats that had nothing to do with Gay Pride - sigh. And people keep talking about Hero as though it was just a parade - it wasn't. The parade was the last major component. Hero started as a dance party that had a "stealth" public health role as a reaction to how HIV was hitting us in those days - the idea was that if you help build a strong, bonded community they will look after each other and themselves much better. A strong, happy, connected community is a healthy community. Then Hero grew into a festival with plays, concerts, films, debates and ...

Top? Bottom? Pitcher? Catcher? Vers? Vers/Top? Vers/Bottom? Pig Bottom? Dom Top? I mean, do you prefer to fuck or get fucked? Or do you really enjoy both? Or are you desperate and will do anything? For gay men, these words matter. You see them scattered all over internet hookup sites, used as ways of signalling just what we like to do in bed. That's not that new really. In the old days we used to use a bunch of keys on a belt-hook, or a bandanna. If you wore it on the right, you were a bottom, if on the left, you were a top. You still see it a bit in the leather world, but as a common code among gay men it seems to have pretty much gone. And I remember reading that back in the 50s and early 60s, a lot of gay men said they only fucked, part of not taking on a femme identity. That's changed now. And it talks pretty openly about arse-fucking too, when you use those words. That's a subject that a lot of people don't like to talk about, but it's a core part of ga...

I saw that there is a debate tonight in Sydney on whether or not same-sex marriage should be legalised, featuring NZ Queer Theorist Prof Annemarie Jagose amongst others. She is taking the position that it shouldn't. And on gaynz.com my friend and  fellow blogger Jeremy Lambert has raised the issue as well, but he's for it, wondering where the activists to push it are. I am ambivalent on this one. But I'm amazed at how it has gone from a total non-issue for the gay world 30 years ago to the central item of gay activism in the Western world. I saw some Australian research last year saying that for young queers it was now seen as the most important issue. I've been thinking about it this last week because someone referred to it as "a right" - and that word made me stop and think. Searching for images for this blog I saw a protestor holding up a sign reading "Marriage is a Human Right, Not a Heterosexual Privilege." I would describe myself as ...

by R.D. Riccoboni The guy on the right? I just stumbled across him as I was, you know, doing some research online. And who doesn't like a big, handsome, hairy man? Well ok, I know some guys actually don't. I don't know if it's because of the era I grew up in, but I've always loved hairy guys. Yes, even hairy backs and necks - love 'em. A hairy arse - mmmm yes please! And I'm enjoying the compliments I'm getting now I've grown my beard out more. But gay men and our bodies - such a loaded issue for so many of us. All those hours spent in gyms, eating all those special diets, the quest for perfection - I've given up on it myself - at 50 I can settle into dignified desuetude I think. I had some good news yesterday - went for my regular 6 monthly HIV check-up, and my CD4 count is up, and my Viral Load is still undetectable. These things make me happy. It's hard to remember now just how sick I was in the bad old days. I am very,...

Unless you've been living under a rock, you would have noticed the scandalous behaviour last week from a childcare centre in Northland , where they wanted a 4 year-old HIV+ boy, who is on meds, and has an undetectable viral load, removed from the centre until they had "a care plan" in place. Yeah, right. You don't need a care plan for HIV+ children like this. It's also illegal in NZ to discriminate against anyone because of blood-borne infections. It just left me shaking my head in sorrow and anger. The centre has now claimed that they've been slandered by the NZ AIDS Foundation, who, as far as I understand, simply tried to broker an understanding and inform them of the facts, as well as advocate for the boy involved. It's all been horrible and messy. It must have been particularly distressing for the boy and his family, even his HIV- brothers at primary school have been affected. And I imagine it has been difficult on some level for the people...

I just found out that it was Tom of Finland's birthday yesterday - he was born on May 8th, 1920. He wasn't the first 20th Century artist to idealise and eroticise the male body, and others were playing with the same sort of images of hyper-masculine men, but he really made it work in a way that paved the way for so many others. Maybe he was just the right guy at the right time. It's pretty hard to find any of his work that still doesn't resonate with how at least some gay men like to perceive themselves, with how some gay men like to be. Think of all the hours spent in gyms, those tuna and brown rice diets, all that work to get the six-pack and the big biceps, that "perfect" body, so often the one that Tom was drawing. Tight jeans, leather jackets, the massive cock and perfect bubble-butt. Of course, no matter how hard you work it you can't do much about increasing your cock size. But there has always been this  gay tradition of eroticising the...

A few weeks ago a friend I'd dropped out of touch with found me via facebook, and she said how good I was looking compared to 10 years ago, and that in fact she was surprised I was still alive. And 10 years ago I sure as hell didn't think I'd still be here today. But I'm glad I am. One of the things about those days was the AIDS quilt. Last week the  NZ AIDS Memorial Quilt was handed over to Te Papa , which is probably the best place for it now. I didn't go to the ceremony. I felt a little guilty about that. But I've always had an ambivalent relationship with the quilt I guess. I asked myself whether or not I wanted to be remembered with one or not a few times, assuming I'd died of course. I used to go out and speak about living with AIDS in schools with it at times. Some of the panels still make me cry, when I see the names of guys who were my friends decades ago, who died before I came back to NZ. But it also seems caught up in that era of deat...

It had to happen I guess, it's been building up for a while. And now that ex NZAF Chair Alastair Cameron has been appointed the Leader of the Opposition's Head of Staff, it comes out. Yes, the Great Gay Conspiracy, the Velvet Mafia, the Homintern. Over cocktails or lattes, quietly chatting in gyms, passing coded messages by the songs DJs play, we push deeper into the social order. It's all nothing but a front for the deeper penetration of NZ's public life by filthy god-hating Sodomites and the headlong dive of NZ's standards led by their short-haired radical-feminist family-hating Sapphist mates. The nut-case blogs are at it already - but I don't want to link to them and boost their pageviews. The fact that Grant Robertson, Labour's openly gay Deputy Leader, is a friend of Cameron's, is seen by some as definitive proof of this godless plot. Yeah, because in a city like Wellington (well, it's really a big town, not a city) gay men with a ...