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Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Does My Dick Look Big in This?

You know you can buy underwear now that will make your whole package, cock and balls,  look bigger? And undies that will also "shape" your arse to give it that porn-star bubble-butt look.

I always wonder what happens if you meet some guy and then go home and have to take them off and the truth is revealed. Hell, even before then, what if you're hugging and kissing and groping and he puts his hand down your pants? I know if I met a man wearing them that way I'd feel a mix of amusement and puzzlement.And sorry if he'd be that insecure.  Not exactly sexy.

And while most of us would agree that a big cock or a nicely-rounded butt is fun, they're pretty irrelevant to the general quality of life. 

But we gay men are bombarded with pressure about how we should look. The quest for the perfect six-pack, perfect pecs, big-guns, cum-gutters, goes on. And on and on and on.

And I do understand it - these guys can look very fucking hot. For me the physical side of being gay is about loving and desiring the masculine, so yeah, of course I get it. The expectation seems to be that every gay man must either look this way or desire men who do, or that's the impression I get when I look at the ads in gay media and on gay fuck-sites (puhleez - they're not "dating" sites). And that can be an impossible goal for some.

I know guys who have done all the hard hours in the gym, have beautifully defined bodies, but still can't find a partner to love, and some say they find it hard to even get laid - guys without the same level of physical beauty feel too scared to approach them. But how perfect do you have to be?

I admit, I'm a bad homo in this regard. I have joined gyms at different times, but I just get so fucking bored in them. At 50, I have a gut, hey - I like good food and booze too much - I don't have a body that any advertiser would use to sell unless it's a before and after fitness-programme. And I guess we'd only get the before shots done.

For me part of it was school. PE for me was a time of utter humiliation and shame - the PE master was a bastard who seemed to delight in tormenting me and the other boys like me. So I have never really felt that comfortable with my body and with sport in general I guess. And I was able to coast through my 20s without too much to worry about.

I do know other gay men who had the same sort of experiences at school but have found going to gyms as adults really empowering - and I admire them for that - it just doesn't seem to work that way for me.

Getting the perfect body becomes this thing that we worship and turn into a fetish. It does have an upside of course, it's good for your health, a lot of guys like the way they think it helps free them from the older "femme" stereotypes of gay men. There's no doubt it gives a lot of guys a real and valuable boost to their self-image. 

I guess the thing is, the paradox of it, is that so many gay men already have real problems with self-esteem, issues with how we look and who and what we are, so if we find we can't conform to this stereotype that is so relentlessly shoved down our throats, once again we end up with gay men feeling other gay men.

It's often hard enough dealing with the straight world, so feeling like you don't belong in the gay world too because of your looks is a double-whammy really. And it does seem pretty superficial too, basing your attraction purely on the physical. Superficial, but not of course limited to homo-world. Yeah I do know that. 

Who's in and who's out? Who has the body, the cock, and who doesn't? It's great to look hot, to be ripped, to spend hours in the gym each day if that makes you happy - but it's only one way of being gay. It'd be nice to think that after all the bullying and social exclusion gay guys typically go through we have learnt not to treat our own that way.

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