The Gay Blade

“I want to get married and have kids.” That’s what the young guy (mid 20s) told me as we were lying there having a cuddle after all the hot sweaty fun was over. He wasn't proposing to me, let's be clear. And he didn’t mean go in the closet and marry a woman, he meant find a nice guy, settle down and raise a family. And as he went on to explain, preferably not in Auckland, but a smaller town like the one he grew up in, which he said had made for a great childhood. He doesn’t see this, as many queer theorists might, as being trapped by heteronormative and patriarchal models of life; he sees this as being key to having a good life. And when you think about it, love, children, stability – it’s a pretty attractive package. It just struck me how he and others are “doing gay” in such a totally different way from we ever envisaged when I was his age. As a young gay guy in my mid 20s, the idea that I could be an out gay man, and a dad with a husband, could h...

I went out for a walk on Monday, enjoying the last week of my holidays, and running across K Rd I pulled my right calf muscle. It hurt like hell, but I tried to pretend it didn't. Same thing happened about 5 years ago. So I've been laid up, resting my leg, in a compression bandage, icing it the first day or two, the usual stuff. It will heal, and I will be ok in time. The frustrating thing is that I'm not actually sick - just unable to do normal things, like go for a walk or a drive, or cut the grass, have a hot fuck, and enjoy my holiday. It made me think back to when I was really sick, back in the 90s, about 20 years ago in 1995 I had AIDS and was expected to die. My specialist at the hospital told me I had about a year to live. I was in a hospice for people with AIDS. I weighed about 50kgs - I couldn't walk more than a couple of metres. I shat my bed often because I couldn't get to the toilet. I couldn't breather without an oxygen tank. I'd eat,...

Ructions at Body Positive and unhappy members.  Where have I seen this before? Before we go on, let me be upfront that I do know some of the people involved on all sides of this: that’s NZ’s HIV world for you. And if I’ve got any dates wrong, please let me know – but be forgiving,  I’m painting in broad brushstrokes here. My first contact with BP was back in 1993, and I was a member of the Board for 1994 – 95. Mike Butters was the first Executive Director of BP, and if my memory serves me right, he was the first person to have a paid position with the organisation. That in itself pissed off some members, who thought any work done should be voluntary and any money we had be used on supporting people living with AIDS.  Of course it was a very different era. We didn’t really talk about HIV then, it was AIDS, as everyone was getting sick and dying of AIDS. I attended a 12-on-12 support group (twelve HIV+ people meeting for twelve weeks) and one of the...

I took this photo as I left Urge on its last night/morning of business. I like to think the white ball is the ghost of all the accumulated cum that was spilt in those walls, slowly rising up to gay heaven. Because let's face it, there was a lot of sperm spilt in there over the 17 or so years it was in business. And yes, some of it was mine, and I helped other guys spill some of theirs too. I recall a few years back being in Sydney and talking to an Aussie in the Oxford who'd been over to Auckland and Urge the week before and he excitedly told me how he'd been given a blow job while standing at the bar. Maybe I'm jaded, but I was like "Yeah, that happens there." And it wasn't just cum, remember Troughman? And others of his ilk lying on the floor in the toilets and hoping for a drink straight from the tap. He swore he could tell what drugs people were on by how their urine tasted, and sometimes got high off too much P in their pee. But Urge ha...

We’re two years into marriage equality here in New Zealand, and as Green MP Kevin Hague noted, the world hasn’t come to an end yet. I never saw this one coming, the huge importance that would get tied to being able to get married I mean. I was attending a conference in Melbourne with Warren Lindberg, sitting in his hotel room and watching on his laptop as Louisa Wall’s bill went through its final reading. That feeling of euphoria was amazing – even more so the next day at the conference when we could celebrate this with our fellow Rainbow health activists and advocates. Growing up as a young gay activist the last thing I ever thought we’d fight for was marriage. Isn’t it just a patriarchal institution, designed to subjugate women and keep men in power? Why would gay men (or lesbians) ever want any part of that? Even straights were giving up on getting married! And as gay men, we were busy celebrating our right to have a full and rich sex life, not to get tied down ...

So all things being equal, it looks like we're going to get the right to get married , if we're all reading the tea-leaves in the right way. It seems like it's going to get through. Marriage. Love. Intimacy. Trust.   If the point of marriage is a public, legally binding declaration of love in front of all who we love and recorded officially by the power of the State, then is it ok for the married couple to stop using condoms?  After all, if you've decided to make that commitment to another guy and maybe you're going as far as buying a house together, merging your finances, getting a mortgage, sharing a credit-card, all the things you see in so many straight marriages - surely if you're doing all that with each other, you can consider whether you need to still follow the old rule of  "Use a condom every time!" Looking at the NZAF's latest condom campaign , they seem to be saying  "No!"  And it's not just here in N...

Queer Auckland took to the streets to show our pride on Saturday, and it was a lot of fun. It is obviously not such an important event as yet, as the Prime Minister didn't bother to cut a ribbon, but we got David Shearer and others from Labour and Kevin Hague from the Greens. The Catholic  Mayor of the city, who considers being gay "a lifestyle choice" was there eager to hoover up some PR. Was it good to be back after 12 years away?  Yes it was, definitely. I marched with the Bears from Urge, and it was a lot of fun walking down Ponsonby Road with a group of handsome men, being led in our impromptu cheer of "1 2 3 WOOF!" at hot guys in the crowd. Some of the straight boys loved it, some didn't seem to appreciate the compliment so much. I have to say an hour beforehand Ponsonby Rd was looking very empty, and the crowd that did show up in the end was tiny compared to what we used to have. 30,000 seems to be the accepted figure. Thin...