The Gay Blade

Apparently the Buddha once said that if humanity had one more drive as strong as sex there would be no hope for us ever to achieve enlightenment because we'd all be too distracted. Matthew Stradling http://www.matthewstradling.com/ I guess he knew what he was talking about. I know that sometimes I can sink into some sort of erotic fog, where sex is my major preoccupation, my pleasure, my joy, my reason for being. At times I just want to chase and be chased, to hunt, to find, to feel that anticipation of a new lover's arrival. And I actually welcome that, I revel in it, I love the fact that I have great, warm, passionate, loving, tender, kinky, and most of all - fun - sex. And yes, I'm just coming out of one of those times again now. Sometimes that urge just gets so strong, and when it all comes together, well, it's fantastic. Whether it's with a man I have known and cared for over years or some random off the net I'll never hook up with again, ther...

Unless you've been living under a rock for the last week, you'll know that Labour MP Louisa Wall's Bill for re-defining marriage (let's face it, that's what it is) has been drawn from the ballot, and has a reasonable chance of succeeding. Both she and Green MP Kevin Hague had similar Bills sitting there, and it's great that one of these is going to see the light of day. None of the gay National MPs seemed to bother trying.  Let me be clear about my own position. It's not an issue that deeply excites me, but as a matter of principle, based in my committment to the concept of human rights, I think that there is no logical, moral or social reason to stop adults from legally committing themselves to each other. I believe as a principle that any adult should be able to have her or his relationship recognised. Personally I think it should go further - if you want to have your committed loving three-way relationship recognised then you should be able t...

So have you heard the news? The American journalist, celebrity (and hottie) has finally come out and said " Yeah, I'm gay - so what ?" It's not really a big surprise; as they used to say, he was dropping hairpins all over the place. He wasn't really all that "in". But he'd never stood up before and said "Yeah, I love men, and... ? " So now he's out. And that's good. I admit, I had a little snarky moment, thinking "Oh gee, you took your time! Wait till it's easy! " but that's not all that productive and coming out is something that people do at their own pace. I am always a bit conflicted on big names when they come out - couldn't they have done more, earlier? But it's up to them. So long as they haven't been active hypocrites working against us. There are  prominent gay men who work desperately to hide any suggestion that they are queer, they hate themselves so much that they will do anythin...

I got a bit of flak about my last blog from a few friends, and other people too. "Don't be a Pride hater" was the message - and I'm not. I just have a long memory. Pride events are happening across the big cities in the Northern hemisphere around this time, and they are positive things for our world. There, I said it. From Istanbul to Chicago, Manchester to Tel Aviv, there will be parades, dances, workshops, fucking, drugs, political debates, drinking, theatre, fucking, film, drugs, coming out seminars, marriage ceremonies, fucking, screaming arguments, book-launches, falling-in-love, poetry-readings, fucking, drinking, all the things that bind us together. That bloody rainbow flag will be everywhere too. Actually I don't mind the flag so much - it's useful when you're travelling to help find a bar or whatever. A rainbow is pretty I guess...in the sky. But I throw up in my mouth a little when people call us a "rainbow" community. ...

So GABA have got their wish and the Auckland Council is going to help fund a new Gay Pride parade! I guess I should be really excited, but... I can remember all the shit that went down with Hero too well, the incompetence, the embezzlement of funds that had been donated, the lies, the promises broken, the way HIV+ people were pushed to the side, and the way the last few parades turned into a succession of advertising floats that had nothing to do with Gay Pride - sigh. And people keep talking about Hero as though it was just a parade - it wasn't. The parade was the last major component. Hero started as a dance party that had a "stealth" public health role as a reaction to how HIV was hitting us in those days - the idea was that if you help build a strong, bonded community they will look after each other and themselves much better. A strong, happy, connected community is a healthy community. Then Hero grew into a festival with plays, concerts, films, debates and ...

Top? Bottom? Pitcher? Catcher? Vers? Vers/Top? Vers/Bottom? Pig Bottom? Dom Top? I mean, do you prefer to fuck or get fucked? Or do you really enjoy both? Or are you desperate and will do anything? For gay men, these words matter. You see them scattered all over internet hookup sites, used as ways of signalling just what we like to do in bed. That's not that new really. In the old days we used to use a bunch of keys on a belt-hook, or a bandanna. If you wore it on the right, you were a bottom, if on the left, you were a top. You still see it a bit in the leather world, but as a common code among gay men it seems to have pretty much gone. And I remember reading that back in the 50s and early 60s, a lot of gay men said they only fucked, part of not taking on a femme identity. That's changed now. And it talks pretty openly about arse-fucking too, when you use those words. That's a subject that a lot of people don't like to talk about, but it's a core part of ga...

I saw that there is a debate tonight in Sydney on whether or not same-sex marriage should be legalised, featuring NZ Queer Theorist Prof Annemarie Jagose amongst others. She is taking the position that it shouldn't. And on gaynz.com my friend and  fellow blogger Jeremy Lambert has raised the issue as well, but he's for it, wondering where the activists to push it are. I am ambivalent on this one. But I'm amazed at how it has gone from a total non-issue for the gay world 30 years ago to the central item of gay activism in the Western world. I saw some Australian research last year saying that for young queers it was now seen as the most important issue. I've been thinking about it this last week because someone referred to it as "a right" - and that word made me stop and think. Searching for images for this blog I saw a protestor holding up a sign reading "Marriage is a Human Right, Not a Heterosexual Privilege." I would describe myself as ...