And there is so much racism out in the gay world, and it really comes through in the online setting. So many ads in NZ that read "No Asians/Indians". Hmm, so that's over 2 billion people, about 1/3 of the globe's entire population you've decided to dismiss because why...? OK, if it's just the gay portion of that more than 2 billion you're dismissing, it's considerably less, several hundred million men, absloutely none of whom you could ever find sexually interesting.
Zero. Zip. Nada. Not one.
That's crazy - and no, it's not "just my preference": it's racism pure and simple. And I have a particular loathing for racism and racists.
It's racist because it is firmly and entirely built on the idea of race in the first place. How can you generalise about all men from Korea or Sri Lanka? You can't - if you try to, you are using a tool of racism, and you are racist.
It's racist because it fails to see our shared humanity - you are relegating and dismissing one group of people purely and simply because of your own bigotry based on their ancestry and what this does to their physical appearance.
If it's "just a preference" consider how the sentence reads if you say "No Maoris (it's just a preference) " or "No Jews (it's just a preference)"
Does that feel right? Does that sit well with you? I can't imagine anyone using that on a profile here in NZ, although I know there are men who have that view. I have met loathsome white people in NZ who can't have sex with "brownies" I'm sorry to say.
And can you imagine the effects of that constant negative barrage on people?
It just seems so weird to me - some men are hot, some aren't. I don't care about ethnicity. I've met hot, beautiful and sexy men from all sorts of backgrounds.There are some amazingly unsexy and ugly whites out there, but I wouldn't use that to justify saying "No whites", so to me it comes down to some level of fear of the unkown. Fear of those that are different.
Saying it's "Just a preference" is a load of bullshit. That's a cowardly, mealy-mouthed way of pretending you're not prejudiced - pure and simple. What happens when you walk out of a dark room and find that muscle-god with the 8 inch dick who was banging you into a happy quivering mess turns out to be Chinese, Thai or Indian? Do you turn round and go "Oh dear, I don't like Asians, sorry"
And fear of what is different isn't just about race either. I am still amazed at the well-educated, intelligent men I meet who are completely irrationally terrified of making love with someone who is HIV+. Even when they regularly use condoms, if they know how to have safe sex and do it, if you tell them you're poz they become gibbering wrecks. It seems we embody all their fears about their own behaviour. I can't see what else they are afraid of. If you know what you're doing you're not going to get it, no matter what the HIV status of your partner.
And this is another form of discrimination that's close to racism. It's a refusal to acknowledge that you are dealing with another human being who is just as worthy, just as real, just as human as you are. Yes, I find some Indian and Chinese men unattractive - but I find the same about Germans and Anglo-Americans too, I find some Brazilians deeply unsexy to look at. But I don't dismiss the entire group because of it. Some men with HIV are sex-on-a-stick, some of us aren't.
We gay men came from such a position of fear and discrimination ourselves - I guess this is why I react so strongly to this. For centuries we were persecuted for being who we are, I find it amazing to see the same sort of ignorant nasty bigotry in our own world.