Wednesday, August 17, 2011
We go through phases where we see each other lots, and times when we're busy and a few months go by, but it always feels the same when we meet up again.
We laugh, we chat, have some wine, we cuddle and kiss, and we fuck, and then we cuddle, and... you know how it goes. There is a genuine affection for each other there too, we know each other pretty well by now. Last week he said to me "I know your body so well, I know how you will respond when I touch you like this...or here, and I love it!" And I can do the same to him. And hey, he's hot, athletic, hairy and hung - what's not to like?
He's HIV negative, and my status isn't an issue for him at all. That's something I really value. When you're HIV+ it's a lot harder to meet guys who can relax like this. So often if I tell someone I'm poz they put their guard up, and sex with the guard up is not good sex; and so often we guys who are poz feel undesirable, unsexy, marked by "the plague" especially when it comes to getting naked. With him I feel desirable, I feel hot, and I feel cared for. These things matter.
Gay culture puts a lot of emphasis on sex, and HIV+ guys often feel excluded from that side of things. Having someone I can just relax with this way is such a good thing in my life. He is very well-informed, and completely at ease with all we need to do to keep him HIV negative while we have fun. We've never even had a broken condom or any kind of scare in all this time, so I know from personal experience that safe sex and great sex do go together.
It's an interesting dynamic for a relationship. It really is based on sex. Good, sensual, athletic, fun sex. He is exhausting at times, but in the best possible way. I even found myself in a new position the other day - and at nearly 50 I thought I knew it all.
Neither one of us really wants it to go beyond this either. We genuinely like each other, but we both know the limits to what we have, how and why it works.
It's a relationship, but we don't want to meet each other's families or friends, we don't want to live together, we aren't in love. We like each other, we turn each other on, and we fuck really well together. We give each other pleasure.
And I really enjoy that.