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Thursday, September 24, 2009

Sweet Ass Bro !

I think I was 16 the first time I was rimmed. It was an utterly mind-blowing experience. Nothing I had ever heard or thought about had prepared me for the fact that my arsehole could be so exquisitely, delightfully, sexily sensitive. The tongue working away down there, in that most forbidden of areas, the waves of pleasure sweeping over me, and then even more shocking to my youthful mind, his tongue actually going up inside me! A man's tongue up my arsehole ! Feeling so good ! Taboos broken left, right and centre. Shock, but no horror - shock and delight. A pleasure which continues to this day I might add.


Of course, at 16 I had such a sweet arse too. Pert, firm, ripe, all those good things. it stayed that way pretty well through to my late 20s I guess. These days it has given in to gravity a bit. But I still admire a good arse on another guy. Sometimes those cheeks just call out. And if you want to freak a straight boy out, tell him he's got a cute arse.


And part of it is, of course, the fact that our anus is such forbidden territory when we are growing up, and even for most adults. It is, understandably, associated with dirt, with our shit. We are taught to be ashamed of our arses and our arseholes. The idea that they are a source of pleasure undermines such training. And the arse itself was often the site of punishment - I'm showing my age but at school we got caned on our arses, another way to mark it as a place of taboos and bad things.


When you think about it, all the organs that give us sexual pleasure are excretory. You piss through your penis, women menstruate through their vagina, we eat food, breathe and vomit through our mouths, and yes, we shit through our arses. Yet the idea of talking about it openly is anathema to so many, especially in the straight world. I think gay men as a whole are much more at ease when talking about our arses. Even those of us who don't go in for fucking still are living in a world where it's normal and so they're exposed to the ideas around it. And it seems more guys in NZ are learning to douche properly, which is a very good thing indeed. Accidents are not enjoyable, but occasionally come with the territory it has to be admitted.


We men are all being reminded now to be aware of our prostates, and it's a good thing that we are. Anal health is important, and gay men should be the ones who are most in touch with any changes in our prostates. No-one wants prostate cancer, and we should all be able to be aware of any changes going on there before we need to see a Dr. And taking care of your arse's health also involves thinking of good lube, of being aware of how relaxed or not you are. There is a huge range of anal toys out there, but don't forget, the colon is about as strong as wet tissue, and lined with blood vessels, so take care up there.


Let's face it - the arsehole is a source of great, deep and intense pleasure. Especially for men, because we have a prostate. That is the joy of getting fucked for guys, well, part of it. The way another's cock stimulates the prostate, it intensifies so many of the rest of our sexual feelings, just sends the body, or mine anyhow, into some sort of sensory overdrive. Yes, I love being fucked. I love my arsehole and all it can do for me. I'm a homo: arse-fucking is one of the things that defines what we do in bed. The great erotic tragedy of HIV is the way we now have to protect ourselves in this most intimate and delightful of acts. I still mourn that loss of spontaneity that we had before safe-sex, as much as I support the message and need for rubbers now.


It is amazing though, how the idea of anal sex scares so many straight people. And why, as I mentioned above, telling a straight guy he's a got a hot arse will freak him out so much. Part of that reaction comes from the idea of associating the arsehole with shit and dirt. But an equally important part of their reaction comes from the idea of a man becoming "unmanned" - by getting penetrated, and enjoying it, we are certainly not fulfilling the dominant cultural model of men as conquerors, inserting our cocks into women. We are, in the straight mind anyhow, somehow becoming women by doing this and enjoying it. But I don't see it that way. I don't think it makes me any less of a man because I enjoy it up my jacksie. I'm just a lot more in touch with the pleasure I can get from my physical home, more than most straight people, that's for sure. I know my body better, and know how to give and get pleasure from it, and how to do the same for other men as well.


I know that some straights are into arseplay as well, but for them it's more of a fetish it seems, something extra. To me, and I guess I uneasily stand along President Clinton here, sex isn't really sex unless it involves one of getting into the other. The rest, however much fun it is, is just the buildup. I've never been one of those guys who just lives for blowjobs - for me they are a starter, something before the main course.


So let's enjoy our anuses, our arseholes. Let's take some pride in being uphill gardeners. But let's do it with care for each other. Love your ass and it'll love you back.


And the way to this man's heart is not through his stomach, I'm telling you.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

That's So Jewish !

Yeah, well I wouldn't say that or even think it, because it's offensive. In New Zealand, why hasn't "That's so Maori" as a term taken off? Or "That's so Samoan"? In the States, why haven't for example, "That's so Black" or "That's so Latino" to equal "That's so lame" become popular? Maybe because people would find those terms just a little offensive and you'd get your head kicked in if you tried it?


So why do more and more people think it's fine to say "That's so gay!"?


I've heard the argument that "gay" used this way has nothing to do with me as a gay man - but that's deceitful self-serving bullshit. It does, and it's oppressive and insulting. What people do, when they use the word in this way, is take a word that is associated with a minority group in society, a group that has regularly and continues to be targetted, beaten up, murdered and have their basic rights denied, and then use it "jokingly" as a term for lame or poor quality. Well, fuck you.


It does seem most popular among younger people. Ah, young people these days. But not among all young people, some I know consciously avoid it. Some think it's fun to be offensive a bit, and push the boundaries. Do they go and make Auschwitz jokes to their Jewish friends I wonder? Or would that be going too far? Probably.


But it's ok to make fun of gays, and then claim you're not, because, well, we don't count. The simple fact that they don't make use of terms such as "Jewish" or "Black" in the same way shows just where we rank as a group. If we object, if we complain, we're being kill-joys, we're not seeing the joke, no sense of humour, not moving with the times. Yeah, right.



Those were the approaches used years ago to justify racial jokes and other forms of subtle, snide oppression. They were seen for what they were then - why is it so hard to see them for what they are now?


This use of the term gay as an insult shows minds that have no political awareness. To me it seems they have never fought for anything in their lives, except perhaps for Daddy to pay their bills usually. With no understanding of the political fights that have gone before, of the sacrifices made and hard work that it took to get us to this point, they feel free to trample over us, and then claim they didn't. Hypocrisy, ignorance, laziness and a sense of entitlement reek from those who use these words so blithely.


I've been told I have "no right" to censure their free speech. I disagree. I have every right, and will express it. They tend to think, when they do think, that they are entitled to say and do anything they like, so long as no one says or does anything that hurts them. Their own pompous outrage when criticised or mocked is often comical to see. Perhaps it comes from years of schooling where they've always been told how special they are, and how clever, even when most of them are, in fact, decidely average.


What about the argument that we "stole" gay in the first place? Actually, it had a history in slang for quite a while meaning queers and those on the edge of society for quite a while before Gay Liberation took it over in the 60s. And there was a clear political reason behind our use of it, just as there was a clear political reason behind the use of "Black" rather than "Negro" or "Coloured" in the same era.We were, in fact, reclaiming words that had been used to attack us, words used to put us down and keep us in our place.


I do not, and will not accept that using "Gay" to mean stupid or lame is acceptable. I am a gay man. We didn't spend years fighting for the few rights we now have to have it all subverted and be put back in our place by this casual form of linguistic insult.


Words matter. Words are powerful. Words can hurt, and words do have a political and social message attached to them.