I was at Urge again the other night and noticed a poster from The Basement. for those who don't know, The Basement is a sex-club. Anyway, the poster read something like "Thursday Night is Fetish Night at The Basement".
I looked at it and knew I wouldn't go. I just don't think I have any fetishes these days.
I used to. The feel and smell of leather used to be a fetish. Hairy chests used to be a fetish. B&D and role-playing used to be a fetish. Actually, without boasting, there are few things that men can do to each other sexually I haven't tried, and only a few of those I haven't really enjoyed at some stage in my life. Not that they were all fetishes I guess. But now, I just don't seem to have any. I know guys who just about cream their pants when they see a guy in the right sports kit. For some it will only be Adidas, never Nike or any other brand. Others are just into sports-kit in general. Other guys get all hot and bothered over tatts, or facial hair, or cigars. And some fetishes we just won't mention in public...
When I was 24 and living in NY, The Mineshaft, the grand-daddy of all gay sex clubs was still open. The things I saw there, the things I did, the things I was! Happy memories. Couldn't be bothered now.
No particular item of clothing or set of actions, no childhood memory or adult-inspired one gives me that sudden tingle and automatic sexual rush that fetishes do. I feel a little deprived. After all, I used to have them.
Is it just middle age? Well, I know guys older than me who are happily playing and exploring their fetishes still. Some quite a bit older than me - lucky bastards. Am I just blase? Jaded? Maybe I am. I listen to other people describing their fantasies and fetishes and mentally tick them off in my head, and then get the "Can I be bothered?" reaction. Not a good sign when an exotic night of sex seems like too much work.
And there are so many wannabes, who don't have the experience but they have the fantasy. A friend of mine once hooked up with a guy on line, and this was back before broad band when pics online were a rarity, who seemed experienced and into the wild and kinky side of extreme leather and role-play my mate likes. My friend was all dressed up ready, and opened the door to see this plump, blonde-bouffant, pink cashmere cardigan wearing 50-something all a quiver on his doorstep, saying "I've never actually done this before". My friend slammed the door in his face. never lie about your experience to a serious fetish-player.
A few years ago, chatting online, as one does, and this guy got in touch, saying he was training to be a hooker and needed some guys to practice on. Seriously. he was interested in me because I was both HIV+ ( something he needed to feel happy working with) and (b) experienced in fetishes. So I volunteered, after all, he was very hot. Beautiful sexy body etc. I thought to myself "Could this be a new line of employment : Michael Stevens, Consultant to Hustlers". It wold make a great business card, but I haven't put it on my CV. By blogging it have I just put it on my CV?
The session wasn't that great, again, in spite of my years of experience, it just didn't click for me, nor for him I think. He was a really nice guy though - I ran into him on the dancefloor at Urge a few years later and he reminded me of the whole episode. He hadn't gone on with the career change, figured out it wasn't for him after all.
It's not that I don't think about sex - I do. And I have it as well. And enjoy it - a lot. I look at hot guys on the bus, as I walk aorund town, in bars and clubs, everywhere, of course. Bring on summer and scantily clad sweaty men - wait - is that a fetish? But I can't see myself heading down to The Basement for Fetish Night any time soon. For those who do, I hope you enjoy it!
But what a shame I can't turn this into a career path. All those years of experience, so much to offer, so much to teach, maybe I should get the cards printed after all.
Speaker: We shouldn’t have to look back on those moments and think: I was lucky - “It’s not a gender issue.” If you’ve read any online comments since Grace Millane’s horrific murder, you’ve no doubt seen that one. “And don’t meet Tinder...
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