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Monday, August 17, 2009

Michael Stevens: Sexual Consultant?

I was at Urge again the other night and noticed a poster from The Basement. for those who don't know, The Basement is a sex-club. Anyway, the poster read something like "Thursday Night is Fetish Night at The Basement".

I looked at it and knew I wouldn't go. I just don't think I have any fetishes these days.

I used to. The feel and smell of leather used to be a fetish. Hairy chests used to be a fetish. B&D and role-playing used to be a fetish. Actually, without boasting, there are few things that men can do to each other sexually I haven't tried, and only a few of those I haven't really enjoyed at some stage in my life. Not that they were all fetishes I guess. But now, I just don't seem to have any. I know guys who just about cream their pants when they see a guy in the right sports kit. For some it will only be Adidas, never Nike or any other brand. Others are just into sports-kit in general. Other guys get all hot and bothered over tatts, or facial hair, or cigars. And some fetishes we just won't mention in public...

When I was 24 and living in NY, The Mineshaft, the grand-daddy of all gay sex clubs was still open. The things I saw there, the things I did, the things I was! Happy memories. Couldn't be bothered now.

No particular item of clothing or set of actions, no childhood memory or adult-inspired one gives me that sudden tingle and automatic sexual rush that fetishes do. I feel a little deprived. After all, I used to have them.

Is it just middle age? Well, I know guys older than me who are happily playing and exploring their fetishes still. Some quite a bit older than me - lucky bastards. Am I just blase? Jaded? Maybe I am. I listen to other people describing their fantasies and fetishes and mentally tick them off in my head, and then get the "Can I be bothered?" reaction. Not a good sign when an exotic night of sex seems like too much work.

And there are so many wannabes, who don't have the experience but they have the fantasy. A friend of mine once hooked up with a guy on line, and this was back before broad band when pics online were a rarity, who seemed experienced and into the wild and kinky side of extreme leather and role-play my mate likes. My friend was all dressed up ready, and opened the door to see this plump, blonde-bouffant, pink cashmere cardigan wearing 50-something all a quiver on his doorstep, saying "I've never actually done this before". My friend slammed the door in his face. never lie about your experience to a serious fetish-player.

A few years ago, chatting online, as one does, and this guy got in touch, saying he was training to be a hooker and needed some guys to practice on. Seriously. he was interested in me because I was both HIV+ ( something he needed to feel happy working with) and (b) experienced in fetishes. So I volunteered, after all, he was very hot. Beautiful sexy body etc. I thought to myself "Could this be a new line of employment : Michael Stevens, Consultant to Hustlers". It wold make a great business card, but I haven't put it on my CV. By blogging it have I just put it on my CV?

The session wasn't that great, again, in spite of my years of experience, it just didn't click for me, nor for him I think. He was a really nice guy though - I ran into him on the dancefloor at Urge a few years later and he reminded me of the whole episode. He hadn't gone on with the career change, figured out it wasn't for him after all.

It's not that I don't think about sex - I do. And I have it as well. And enjoy it - a lot. I look at hot guys on the bus, as I walk aorund town, in bars and clubs, everywhere, of course. Bring on summer and scantily clad sweaty men - wait - is that a fetish? But I can't see myself heading down to The Basement for Fetish Night any time soon. For those who do, I hope you enjoy it!

But what a shame I can't turn this into a career path. All those years of experience, so much to offer, so much to teach, maybe I should get the cards printed after all.

2 comments:

Paul said...

Feeling rather the same, I ask is it that we have feasted at the table and have eaten all we can eat? Or maybe just like salmon caviar prawns & oysters there comes a point when it all becomes just too ordinary.

I get so blasé about fine food and fetish sex it makes me wonder if the lack of interest is something akin to bulimia. Both can make me feel like gagging.

Is it only me that finds Master Chef such an inordinate bore. As for those guys in their sling rooms with 10 different dildos all laid out on doilies in that way that reminds me of my mothers China cabinets but more anal (no pun intended). Barf!!! Oh the desperation.

Then there’s my straight mate who owns a brothel and tells me he wears his girlfriends dirty panties cause it makes him feel horny and sexy. Why does that get me going? Yes he is hot and very comfortable in his own skin not to mention his girlfriend’s panties!! Or maybe its just a question of the familiar v the unfamiliar - like that buffalo mozzarella that costs 10 bucks a nugget.

I think on one level fetishes are delovely so long as the fetishist doesn't take themselves too seriously, or should I say seriously. That watersportser that did all his cooking in urine probably falls into the latter category.

What is it that makes us Tick?

mutley said...

This, in some non-fetishy way- unless you like that sort of thing - would make an excellent Venn Diagram.

Don't you think?