Why is it that so many wonderful men that I know are single? And, for that matter, why am I ? Not that I am necessarily all that wonderful.
Is it the pool of men around? I mean, I have so many friends in Auckland, but I can't see myself falling for them, not when we've been mates for so long. And then you look on-line and see, well, all sorts of guys, some, let's admit it, seem just a bit sad and desperate, or wildly unrealistic. Guys who post entire shopping lists of desired characteristics on their profiles are not going to be my choice. I mean, how could you ever live up to it?
A few weeks ago an 18 year old messaged me on NZD and asked if I wanted to do cam-sex with him. I mean, really - 18!? Do his parents know what he's getting up to in his bedroom at night when they think he's studying? Shit - imagine if they walked in just as we were reaching the point of the whole thing. But most parents of teenage gay men have no idea what their sons are up to, let's face it.
I pointed out the age difference (nearly 30 years) and said no thanks, he didn't even look like he shaved yet, and he replied "Hey, I'm horny and it's just cam-sex mate."
Somehow I didn't find that flattering. Though I guess he must have found me attractive if he wanted me to jerk off on cam with him. An idea that I must say I really don't find erotic. I know some guys get off on cyber-sex, or cam-sex, but for me - nope, it doesn't float my boat.
So if not online, well, what about out on the town? The thing is, Auckland is just too small: it often seems that we all know each other, or at least, have heard about each other.
Every now and then I think "Maybe if I got in better shape, worked out, lost the gut etc... or changed my hair... got my eyes lasered... " but would that make that much difference? I might get more roots, but I don't think it'd get me true love, or even a semblance of it.
If all the gay men from NZ who've moved away came back to Auckland, just imagine what that would do to our social world. We'd be the gayest little city in the world if all those kiwi fags who moved away to live in a big city came back, if they all left SF, LA, London, Amsterdam, Berlin, NY, Sydney and Melbourne, and came back here, just think! Or just dream - I guess they did leave for a reason. It is small here, and the pool is limited.
But even though there is this pool of smart, sexy, desirable, employed gay men out there, why are so many of us single? I guess part of is habit. As I get older it seems more and more difficult to imagine combining my life with someone else's - difficult but not impossible (to any future husbands who read that and got put off please note the "not impossible" bit). I mean, I have all the furniture I need, I have somewhere to live, I have my routines - do I want to risk unbalancing all that for another guy? Well, yes, to some extent, I do. Because sharing life, love and all the day-to-day hassles it brings with someone else is fun and rewarding. I know, I've done it before, and I expect I'll do it again before I die.
Till then I 'll keep looking around at all my eligible smart, sexy single friends, and wonder why they're like that, and why I'm like this, but hey, life is basically good, right? I can wait. I'm happy.