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Monday, February 25, 2008

Cock !

I’ve been thinking about cock a lot. Well Duh! I am a homo after all. And I’ve seen a lot of cock in my life. OK, more than just seen.

I mean, of course I like arses, legs, arms, chests, stomachs, armpits, faces, etc, but really, if a guy doesn’t have a dick, well, as they said in Sex and The City, I’m just not that into him.

But guys, never give your dick a name “This is my mate, little David” – it’s so straight.

And cocks are all so different. And I don’t just mean size. Some are aesthetically perfect, beautiful objects, that have just the right colour, size and heft (you have to hold it in your hand and feel the weight to really know how good it is) - they just look perfect on that guy’s body. A good heavy cock is a delight. And the arguments you can have over the virtues of cut vs uncut. Gives a whole new meaning to wearing a hoodie. Not to mention the debates on the merits of length vs girth. Hours of fun. Most cocks are ok to good, which means they are great, even though most of us are insecure about our own.

Now let me add to your insecurity.

Let’s face it, some are downright ugly. And there is no rhyme or reason. I’ve seen some of the most beautiful cocks on some of the most ordinary looking guys, and some really ugly cocks on guys with gym ripped bodies and GQ faces. Life can be so unfair.

And how can you separate cock from balls? So sensitive, such fun to play with, to fondle, to squeeze, to lick and again, so many shapes and sizes. Big and bouncy, low hangers, tight nuts, hairy or smooth or shaved, and happily resting on your chin. Ah, balls. Love ‘em. And again, some are just objects of pure aesthetic delight, and some, less so…

The ugliest cock I ever saw was in 1985 (it is etched into my memory). It was in Turkey, and after a bus-breakdown in a small town I ended up sharing a room with another passenger on the bus. He kept making passes at me and I kept backing away. In the morning I woke to find him parading round the room with his underpants pulled right up the crack - he was trying to get me to fuck him again, and finally pulled his pants down to reveal what I can best describe as a tiny frost-bitten rosebud. In Turkey, boys don’t get circumcised till they are about 10, and his had gone wrong: very, very wrong. I was up and dressed and out of that room so fast.

Size: ah well, there’s the perennial issue for all men, and especially gay men. Who ever worries their cock is too big? And I have to say, I’ve never met one that was. And I’ve met a lot of cock over the years. Have I already mentioned that? And most of us, whatever our ethnicity, are in the 5-6 inch range. They have even done repeated studies on African men that show that the super-size black cock is really just a myth. Or a piece of nasty objectifying racism, depending on your politics.

Some guys do have small cocks. And some of them can be really beautiful too, and fun to have fun with as well. I’ve had some great sex with guys who had little ones. But the anxiety and embarrassment that having a little cock can give gay men, an audience who are, like me, phallically appreciative, is not to be ignored. If it’s any comfort, the Ancient Greeks thought small cocks showed you were civilised, and big ones were marks of being like an animal. But who listens to the Ancient Greeks these days?

The tyranny of porn, where dicks are nearly all at least 8 inches or look that way, is partly to blame. And the fantasies we create in our own heads. And of course, most guys under-estimate the size of their own dick because we look down from on high, rather than being able to gaze with wonder and delight from the front.

Is there a way around size anxiety? I guess it’ll always be with us, some how or another.

But as much as I love cock, the main thing to remember is that there is actually a living person attached to the other end. So if when the pants go down and it’s not what you’d thought, remember what your mother taught you and be polite! - there’s a guy standing there in front of you, naked and vulnerable, with a heart as well as a cock, and he surely deserves to be treated as well as you do, whether his dick is out of your wildest dirtiest fantasies or leaves you less than impressed.

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