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Monday, February 25, 2008

Cock !

I’ve been thinking about cock a lot. Well Duh! I am a homo after all. And I’ve seen a lot of cock in my life. OK, more than just seen.

I mean, of course I like arses, legs, arms, chests, stomachs, armpits, faces, etc, but really, if a guy doesn’t have a dick, well, as they said in Sex and The City, I’m just not that into him.

But guys, never give your dick a name “This is my mate, little David” – it’s so straight.

And cocks are all so different. And I don’t just mean size. Some are aesthetically perfect, beautiful objects, that have just the right colour, size and heft (you have to hold it in your hand and feel the weight to really know how good it is) - they just look perfect on that guy’s body. A good heavy cock is a delight. And the arguments you can have over the virtues of cut vs uncut. Gives a whole new meaning to wearing a hoodie. Not to mention the debates on the merits of length vs girth. Hours of fun. Most cocks are ok to good, which means they are great, even though most of us are insecure about our own.

Now let me add to your insecurity.

Let’s face it, some are downright ugly. And there is no rhyme or reason. I’ve seen some of the most beautiful cocks on some of the most ordinary looking guys, and some really ugly cocks on guys with gym ripped bodies and GQ faces. Life can be so unfair.

And how can you separate cock from balls? So sensitive, such fun to play with, to fondle, to squeeze, to lick and again, so many shapes and sizes. Big and bouncy, low hangers, tight nuts, hairy or smooth or shaved, and happily resting on your chin. Ah, balls. Love ‘em. And again, some are just objects of pure aesthetic delight, and some, less so…

The ugliest cock I ever saw was in 1985 (it is etched into my memory). It was in Turkey, and after a bus-breakdown in a small town I ended up sharing a room with another passenger on the bus. He kept making passes at me and I kept backing away. In the morning I woke to find him parading round the room with his underpants pulled right up the crack - he was trying to get me to fuck him again, and finally pulled his pants down to reveal what I can best describe as a tiny frost-bitten rosebud. In Turkey, boys don’t get circumcised till they are about 10, and his had gone wrong: very, very wrong. I was up and dressed and out of that room so fast.

Size: ah well, there’s the perennial issue for all men, and especially gay men. Who ever worries their cock is too big? And I have to say, I’ve never met one that was. And I’ve met a lot of cock over the years. Have I already mentioned that? And most of us, whatever our ethnicity, are in the 5-6 inch range. They have even done repeated studies on African men that show that the super-size black cock is really just a myth. Or a piece of nasty objectifying racism, depending on your politics.

Some guys do have small cocks. And some of them can be really beautiful too, and fun to have fun with as well. I’ve had some great sex with guys who had little ones. But the anxiety and embarrassment that having a little cock can give gay men, an audience who are, like me, phallically appreciative, is not to be ignored. If it’s any comfort, the Ancient Greeks thought small cocks showed you were civilised, and big ones were marks of being like an animal. But who listens to the Ancient Greeks these days?

The tyranny of porn, where dicks are nearly all at least 8 inches or look that way, is partly to blame. And the fantasies we create in our own heads. And of course, most guys under-estimate the size of their own dick because we look down from on high, rather than being able to gaze with wonder and delight from the front.

Is there a way around size anxiety? I guess it’ll always be with us, some how or another.

But as much as I love cock, the main thing to remember is that there is actually a living person attached to the other end. So if when the pants go down and it’s not what you’d thought, remember what your mother taught you and be polite! - there’s a guy standing there in front of you, naked and vulnerable, with a heart as well as a cock, and he surely deserves to be treated as well as you do, whether his dick is out of your wildest dirtiest fantasies or leaves you less than impressed.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Weekend Gossip Round-Up & The Big Gay Out

Seymour Butz Sauna Sessions at Urge were the place to be on Saturday night. Dirty hard great hip-thrusting dance music. The random DNA count on the floor and all around the place probably went up quite a bit. And a certain real-estate agent was seen early in the morning wandering along K Rd in nothing more than a towel (and I know he had nothing on underneath, trust me I know).

So what do you think of silky boxers with cartoon characters on them? I mean, are they a fashion statement, or a cry for help? Or does it just show a really rejection of the tyranny of fashion? Or that your mother still buys your clothes even though your 30? Because a certain gay Auckland journalist wears them, I know, I saw, at Urge ;-)

On Sunday, in spite of rain in the morning thousands of Auckland homosexuals descended on quiet suburban Coyle park on Sunday, to celebrate, um... well, to celebrate anyhow. Bears were bearish, hairy and sweaty and beery. Twinks twinkled, Dykes dyked, Queers queered and drags, well, dragged. I mean looked fabulous.

Hangovers from Urge and Family seemed to be a prominent part of the conversation.

Richard No-Mates stood around the GABA tent looking lonely for a little while then disappeared back to his empire. His minions skulked in and out as well.

A Sydney DJ on being introduced to the Prime Minister: "Hello, I'm Helen" "Hi, I'm Johnny... and what do you do...?"

A purveyor of illicit substances was seen chatting in a friendly way to Police, making one wonder just what sort of customers said purveyor has.

And a certain someone with a reasonably big bearish profile had to be held back from pulling out the special cookies as the PM's cavalcade and Police escort hadn't quite left the area...

The Leader of the Opposition hogged the GABA tent so the PM and party couldn't get in - tch tch tch. They can't be seen together it seems.

Apart from one broken leg, it seems it all passed off without incident.

Hot, humid, sticky - and I only saw 3 or 4 guys I can be sure I've slept with. But I got a few new numbers so hey, it was a good day, right?

Sunday, February 3, 2008

Did you read it? did you believe it?

That dumb "article" in the latest depress that hints, without ever saying so explicitly, that something is deeply wrong at the AIDS Foundation, again, It's one of their favourite themes for some reason. The article is a mess of innuendo and non-sequitirs.

I must confess, I used to sit on the NZAF Board and was even the Chair, but that was a while ago. So while I've never been an employee there (though I have just started some consulting) , I do know it pretty well, and I'm happy to criticise it when it needs it, trust me, but this article was just rubbish. You do wonder if anyone at depress has any journalistic training, I don't know, but I suspect not. Oh, yeah, just remembered, I used to work for depress... So you know, I'm sort of, impartial.

Let's look at what they said. The Headline claims there are "Community Concerns" well, gee, there's a piece of hard detailed news. Who is this "community"? They never actually seem to identify anyone, just "a number of readers" - that's stretching it to start, I mean, do they have a number of readers?

Some staff have left - well, I seem to recall a number of editors going through the revolving doors at depress pretty promptly - does that mean they are managed badly and have deep-seated managerial incompetence issues? Or maybe people just find they'd like to do something else? Let's face it, people move on from jobs all the time. NZAF has over 40 (I think...) employees around the country, so a bit of turnover aint that unusual. Gee, maybe some of them weren't really that good at their work either - that's possible.

The Chair resigned? So what? He was there for over three years, not a bad run really for a voluntary position.

Tariana doesn't seem to like the NZAF. Well, she doesn't like queers very much either from memory. She wasn't in favour of the Civil Union Bill, said so at a talk on the marae at Auckland Uni. So to me it seems that in her eyes we're not good enough to be treated like the rest of our citizens. And I for one am still waiting to see hard evidence that there is some hidden "Maori" epidemic of HIV out there, and no-one I know in the field seems to think there is or see any evidence for it. Show me the data, and then we'll talk. Till then, I don't think Tariana is someone I'd take advice about HIV from, really.

Apparently one of the "concerned readers" thinks that NZAF buying the building they currently rent is a sign of defeatism. It means, acording to this "reader' they think HIV is here to stay which seems to send the wrong signal.

Well duh. Hepatitis is here to stay too, so is meningitis, so is cancer buddy. It's part of the landscape now, barring some medical miracle, we won't be rid of it, so we have to learn to live with it as best we can. Buying the building instead of paying rent seems like a pretty good idea to me.

And the worst possible sin - they were too busy to answer the carefully considered questions depress had doodled on a napkin before ringing up. Gee, don't they know they have to drop absolutely everything when depress calls and wants some copy to fill their pages? Shame on you NZAF, for having other priorities rather than immediately answering their questions. The arrogance of you, to think that your work (you know, Safe Sex promotion, getting the Big Gay Out up, running a major NGO) could be more important than the needs of the "reporters" at depress. get your priorities right !

Now, I remember when depress used to be a damn good newspaper. It had strong community ties, it had real reporters working there even. So it's a shame to see the way it is now. Filled with stuff off the net, and... a whole lot of NZAF ads...

What would happen if NZAF stopped advertising you wonder?

Rant over. But guys, you really need to lift your game.

Friday, February 1, 2008


Writing, like cigarettes and good sex, can get to be an addictive vice, and I'm a happy addict of at least two of those mentioned.

I also love to read, and to read intelligent thoughtful reporting on what goes on around me in this world, especially the microcosm that is gay NZ, or really, for me, gay Auckland. So as that is not easily found, I thought, what the hell, I'll blog about it from my point of view.

One of the reasons is I get so pissed off with the crap of what passes for our "gay press" - the printed stuff here that is. Cheap, shallow, sensationalist and driven only by advertising, it typically lacks substance. Will I be any better? Maybe not, but I'll have some fun, and maybe you will too.

So if my other addictions don't get in the way (and I'm trying to stop smoking again) I'm going to use this to put up my views, which being mine and mine alone, are bound to piss off a few people, but hell, that's their problem, right?